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Wild Doritos

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So What are "Wild Doritos" anyway??

Once upon a time, Wild Doritos were kind, gentle creatures who were indigenous to the foothills of southern Alberta. During the dust-bowl years of the Great Depression, their only food source, Elymus canadensis (commonly known as Canada Wild Rye) spontaneously combusted during a freak act of nature. As a result of this bizarre occurrence, the last remaining tribe (known as the Mohackens), was forced to migrate across the mighty Rocky Mountains into British Columbia.

During the harsh years of surviving and adapting, the Mohacken Wild Doritos evolved to hibernate in the summer time to avoid a particular predator, known only as Mackdog. During hard times, they also learned to actively prey on local wild cave men living in the valleys of the Kootenay Mountain region during the winter months. Wild Doritos are now rare, elusive and aggressive; very difficult, if not impossible to capture alive (or even on film).

It was not until the recent invention of a potent potable designed by Caveman Bob that Wild Doritos could be sedated and ultimately captured. Unfortunately, Caveman Bob was later cannibalized by Wild Doritos, and the potion destroyed. Although it is nearly impossible to capture Wild Doritos on film, a video tribute has been made, depicting the last stand of Caveman Bob against the Wild Doritos.

Wild Doritos vs. Domestic Doritos

The Doritos available for purchase in stores are domesticated, and are much more tame than Wild Doritos. After the gruesome end of Caveman Bob, some fragments of captured Wild Doritos were recovered from Bob's cave. Scientists produced a new breed of Doritos that were a cross of the genetic material from both Wild and Domestic Doritos. The resulting lineage of Doritos were tame enough that they could be bred for food without causing numerous deaths to workers in the Doritos factories. This new cross-breed retains the genetic key to the Wild flavour.

Doritos' Rights Activists

In recent years, a growing movement of youth activists has arisen, advocating the rights of all Doritos. The movement claims that the living conditions of Domestic Doritos are unreasonably cruel and confined. However, because it is virtually impossible to capture Wild Doritos without Caveman Bob's potion, it is not economically viable to hunt Wild Doritos for use as a food source. Thus, for the foreseeable future, Domestic Doritos will continue to play a major role in the growth of Doritos production.

Wild Doritos Trailers:

How to Escape Wild Doritos     Wild Doritos Trailer

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